An Invincible Life-Somehow I survived!!!!!

IT is said that it is always the darkest before the dawn. 

B.TECH degree in hand with CGPA of 8.9 and already placed in campus placement had already opened the dreams which Raj has dreams of in his career. But it was shattered when the joining into the placed firm was delayed for indefinite time, not sure when that was to happen. Raj didn't wish to go to his hometown because of situation over there. So he decided to move to Bangalore to start his career in couple of days. He has his cousin who was staying in Bangalore, so he thought he would get in there settle in for someday and start his job hunt.

Prior to departure he has already conveyed the same to his cousin, who said he can comedown to his place and stay till he gets a job. With delight and excitement Raj decided to move to Bangalore. The day finally came when Raj boarded the BBSR-BANGALORE Prashanti Express to reach to his dreams. After a long journey of 32 Hrs Raj reached Bangalore, but he wasn't aware that the things aren't going to get easy.

From the platform, he called his cousin to get the details as his cousin was suppose to comedown to escort him to his place but wasn't there. He called couple of times the phone rang no response. Feeling hungry, Raj went to the refreshment room took a mid-day meal and waited on the platform. Few hours passed, Raj was looking at the people in the station and imagining "Every Year, many technocrats come to bangalore to fullfil their dream and he would be the next." Sitting patiently Raj's mind went into past: "It was the year of 2001 Month of September, when USA was shocked and on the same day Raj was. Day prior to the twin tower getting down to thrash in the midnight, Raj had experienced the dreadful news of sad demise of her mother. It was her dream for Raj to be a successful person and for which Raj was there on the Platform"

Raj was happy, as he was going near his dreams rather can say her Mother's dreams to be a successful person in life. He opened an old letter from his wallet and started reading it. This was the letter which Raj has recieved from an unknown person earlier who was not existing in this world. He carefully read the letter and was trying to relate the same with his current state of mind.

Soon it was evening, Raj called again to his cousin, he picked up the call and said he is busy in meeting and will call in 5 minutes and share the details. Raj waited for another hour, but he didn't recieved any call. He called again, but this time the phone was hung. Raj looked down to his wallet only 100 Rupees left. Raj said to himself "Nevermind! as bhai has said he would definitely come or will guide me to the place.". Time was running down, from evening it was Night 9'O clock but no response from his cousin. The very next moment he got a call from his cousin and it was like a short discussion.

Cousin-"Hey Raj! Sorry brother, I had to leave to Mysore urgently. I have already conveyed my room-mate about you, you can go down the place, I will text you the address"

Before Raj could say anything he hung up the call. Raj was thinking with only few bucks left how he was supposed to go to his cousin's place, anyways he decided to go after recieving the address. 

From morning, Raj has recieved multiple calls from his father, but everytime he said "bhai ke saath hoon tension na lo". He didn't want to convey this to his father who was already a BP patient.

Somehow, he boarded the bus worth ticket of Rs 10/- to marathalli, where his cousin use to stay. After 1 hr of journey he reached his cousin's place. It was Friday, and night 11:00PM, reaching the flat he rang the bell. A kinky guy in shorts came and opened the door. Raj gave him his introduction, for some seconds that fellow looked at me like a prey. 

He then said "I am not informed about this, I don't know you how come you visit this flat.". Saying this he banged the door. Raj called his cousin to confirm the address which he had received as a text, unfortunately he didn't picked up. Raj again rang the bell, the same person opened the door and started yelling at him and said 

"Yahan sharif log rehte hai... tujhe bhik mangna hai to kahin aur ja..". 

Raj:"aap ek baar Kumar ko call to karo woh meri pehchan batadenge...".

Other Person: "Kumar bola hai koi agar akar puche to ghar me ghusne mat dena, ek bhikari ayega usko bhaga dena."

Raj: "aap ek baar call karke pucho to sahi.."

Other person: "Puchna kya hai woh yahi andar hai, khud puch le"

The other guy in loud voice asked "Arey Kumar koi tera bhai aaya hai milne"

From inside "Bola tha na koi bhai wai nahi hai mera... bhaga us *slang* usko idhar se.. sharifon ko pareshan karna inki adat si ho gayi hai."

Listening this Raj was shaken and the other person pushed Raj aside, Raj fell down and injured his nose, blood started comming out. 

Raj stood up and said "Sorry! May be I am the bhikari who has lots of expectation and came here."

Listening this the other person said,
"Bhag yahan se sale... sara maja kirkira kar diya... ruk bulata hoon security ko"

Two people came heavy in built and dragged Raj out of the building and pushed him into the road. Raj got injuries and his mobile was near to damage. He picked his belongings and move ahead. A lake was nearby that area, he went there and sat. Raj was terrified, he looked at his watch it was night 1'O clock. Tears welled down from his eyes. His initial journey to the dream path has been dug with people who use to call them "sharif".

Raj sat near the lake till 5AM in the morning, and then moved ahead. He boarded the same bus with which he came to his cousin's place and reached station. Raj was having nothing left in his pocket, only Rs.10. He sat in the platform was looking at the trains passing by. With the Rs.10/- he made a STD call to his father and thought to say everything, but he didn't. Because when heard his father's voice, he heard his father saying to someone in background "my son has reached Bangalore will definitely find a job for him, I am happy for him". All of sudden Raj's eye were moist, he only said "I am good. Don't call me for couple of days till I take a new SIM card over here."


Raj's mind was puzzled with lot of things, last night's fear and the behaviour of his own kin and shattered everything. That day Raj spent in platform, feeling hungry nothing left in his pocket, he went to the water tap and stretched his hand to drink water. His hand was paining like hell because of injuries but somehow he managed to drink.

Sitting at the end of platform Raj burst into tears and said to himself "I have to survive. For the dreams I had seen, for the dreams my mother has seen, for the happiness my father is looking from me. I have to survive. I have to live an invincible life." It was again midnight, Raj slept on the platform bench, but soon after the RPF folks woke him up and drove him out of Station.


Raj went near the subway opposite to station, and sat there. Bangalore's Majestic subway is also famous for transgenders who work as sex workers. Raj was upset and crying, with clothes torn, scars in hand, swelling nose he was sitting with head down where he heard a manly voice "Idhar kya kar raha hai?" Raj looked up and saw a transgender standing next to him. 

Raj was so emotional at the moment as someone asked for his well being, he narrated the whole story to the transgender. The transgender listened calmly, offered him a "Dosa" and said,

"Tu khale pehle! Har raat ke baat subah hoti hai. Me itna kehti hoon, tu bahut agey jayega and dekh kal subah tere liye ek nayi subah hogi.. tu jab tak kha raha hai me tere hathon ko cream laga deti hoon, aur tu dar mat maine bola na teri manjil tujhe milegi bahut jald milegi. Ghabra mat!! Jindagi hi khalnayak hai"

The transgender started singing a song from movie Khalnayak, and Raj was listening to the song very carefully. 

As the transgender said, it happened the same. At morning 5AM Raj went to freshen up (he was given Rs 100 by the transgender when s/he left), took a bath and decided to go back to his hometown, even though Rs 100 was not the fare in general to go to his hometown but Raj decided to take the risk.

But he never knew there was someone who was waiting for him "his luck!!!"

When, he was near the railway ticket counter, he saw a guy looking familiar. Yes it was familiar, it was Raj's college mate Mohley Singh, who had came to Bangalore as he was about to join a firm. Raj greeted him, both had conversation for some time and then both went to the bus stand.

They waited for their bus, and Raj was recollecting all the thing which had happened with him in last 48Hrs or more, and all of sudden he realised the wish of the transgender was fruitful.


The time has been long, but that has changed a Raj a lot, he understood what life real is, what people are and whom you don't know plays a vital role in your life.

That was really "A Survival but done in invincibility.". Raj whenever thinks about that time, few lines sang by the transgender always tickles his mind.

"
Main bhi sharafat se jeeta magar
Mujhko shareefon se lagata tha dar
Sabko pata tha main kamazor hoon
Main isalie aaj kuch aur hoon
"

Soch Kuch Aisi

Socha tha phir se yeh na dekhunga...
kuch bhi ho jaye phir se na sochunga...
Sunsan raston me phir se na chalunga...
Andhere me lau ke jagah mashal pakadlunga...

Halka sa hawa ka ek jhonka aaya...
mashal to rahi nahi lau dhal gaya...
meri ankhon se kuch dur ho chala..
aaj akele me phir chalne chala...

duniya me jarurat hi kya uski..
har ghadi thokar hai kismat jiski..
umeedein thi jiske saath
aaj na hai koi uske saath..

kehne ko keh to diya..
kuch bhi tumne soch diya...
par in sanson ki tabassum ko dekho
phir is dil ke haal ko socho...

ji karta hai aaj ji loon apni jindagi
jaise na ho koi bandagi...
me itni dur chala jaunga...
kasam se tumhe yaad na aunga...

meri palko se gir rahe hai aansoon aaj..
tha tumko kabhi mujhpe naaj...
in aansuon ko pochne chala me...
apne is safar ko khatam karne laga me..

aur yeh saha nahi jaata..
dat phatkar sunna nahi jaata..
kho jaunga kisi din yeh mujhe na pata
chahata hoon koi mujhe dhund na pata

A Night too Long.

Raj was feeling very tired in the morning as he opened his eyes after recovering from viral fever for almost 5 days. Still lying on his bed, he tried to list mentally the tasks he had to carry out during the day, apart from the routine morning chores and other activities.
 Recollecting the events of the previous day, it occurred to him that the sense of tiredness he had experienced could be attributed to the din caused by the bore well machine next door. Of all the pollutants eating into the lives of people these days, he hated noise pollution the most. Few years ago, when he had moved into this house here, this was a very quiet and serene neighborhood, the only sounds being the welcome cries of different kinds of birds nestling in the trees both along the streets and within the precincts of many houses. Those days, their repetitive cries formed the wake-up call for him early in the mornings. Where have they all vanished? He wondered. Today, the frequent honking of horns by vehicles constantly plying even on that narrow road, the loudspeakers from different mosques nearby extolling their God, the ‘songs’ in praise of different Gods in the Hindu pantheon played frequently through the loudspeaker from the small temple, built illegally on the footpath nearby, and many other disturbances tensed every nerve of his no end.
The old house next door had been vacated suddenly by its owner, a retired Govt officer who lived a reclusive life, having lost his wife who had battled cancer for a long time. This battle must have been more challenging for him than the ones he might have faced in his career. The ex-officer lived with his only son who was in his early forties and was mentally retarded. Both of them formed an unfriendly duo in the neighborhood, not interacting with the neighbors, may be for several reasons. In particular, Raj had never met him face to face even to say hello or exchange smiles, although he was not averse to having a friendly neighbor. Raj and his friends were staying together, as it was Diwali holidays all of his roomies has gone to their Native. Raj hasn’t celebrated for long years, no one knew the reason but something was haunting him inside which didn’t allow him to go ahead. Anyways somehow he managed to stay alone for the period.

One day, after Diwali holidays started, he assumed that the neighbor’s house was locked when he saw some scattered, rain-soaked mail on the pavement on the other side of the locked gate and did not hear the squeaking noise of the gate when the maidservant routinely entered the house every morning. Perhaps many others had not noticed their absence either, because they had never felt their presence earlier! Raj presumed that they might have gone for a sojourn somewhere and would return after some days. But this did not happen.
 All of a sudden, the same night around 9 PM, a large group of people entered the premises and began hammering on the walls, first to dismantle all doors and windows and then to demolish the walls. Within a couple of days, the home of many dreams, myths and reality had been reduced to dust and debris. It was like seeing a dead man’s body being burnt to ashes. The demolition had taken its toll on the neighbors in the form of dust, noise and general cacophony by the people involved, which permeated every nook and corner of their homes and person. ‘So the place has been sold and a new home, a new dream or a citadel of fulfilled dreams is going to come up here’, Raj thought.

Following this, he and his friends would not be able to live in peace in the place till the construction work progressed, going by the trend these days. Everyone wanted to build a palace with marble, granite, glass and chromium, replete with a huge basement for car parking, which took a long time to happen. The prospect of having to listen to reverberating noises of motors used in different gadgets and the resultant vibrations sent shivers down his body.
That next day when the building was on dust and stone Raj was not able to sleep in the night he was thinking the thing happened. A new building will come up , shattering down all the old doors a new ultramodern room with modified doors and windows. Floors with marble and shining material.
The same night around night 11:30 he went out of his place with a bottle of beer in his hand, it was winter night so chillness was experienced in the atmosphere.  There was an open field where small kids used to play in the dusk. Raj went there and saw at a corner a fire sort of camp fire was burning. He went there and sat near it. Just had a gulp of beer a heavenly voice came from somewhere.
“O! Babu! What are you doing here in this chilled night my son?”
“Nothing! Was not feeling sleepy so thought of come out” replied Raj looking here and there searching for the person.  Because of heavy fog he saw a man wrapped in a blanket with a torch in his hand approached towards him. He was not able to see the man’s face.
“What are doing here Sir?” asked Raj.
“Seems like you are new to this place and not aware of the things.” Replied the man.
“Huh!” reacted Raj.” I had been staying here for couple of years and you are saying I am not aware of things” Replied Raj in a weird manner.
“Yes! My lad” replied the man.
“Whatever! I saw the fire when I was crossing by so thought of warming up of myself” Raj said.
“I usually light this up every night when I need to guard this under construction house” pointing to the house.
Raj thought the person might be the security guard of the builder whose property was now the house.
“Okay! Wanna have the beer?” asked Raj.
“No Son! I don’t drink, you have it” the man said.
Both of them were quite for some time, and Raj asked all of sudden.
“Sir! This house is just demolished and the construction is just started, do you think a guard is required here.?”
The man turned his head and said, “yes! A person who build this house , who was there when each and every brick was placed and now it’s getting demolished. So I need to take care of the dream of the man.”
Raj was not able to understand what the man was trying to say. He tried looking at man’s face but was not able to. His bottle was about to complete and it was almost quarter past 1 in the night. The mercury was frozen. The man took out his church and focused on the few areas of the demolished house saying,
“You are looking that corner in the right side. It was the master bedroom.
The area where you see the thickness of the bricks was the common hall”
The man showed him all the areas.
Raj asked “How come you know about all the details Sir?”.
“How come  I knew?? “ The man voice was heavy now.
“I was the owner of this house, I have spent 40yrs of my life here and I take custody of each and every task assigned to me, and being my house I happily accepted to be the security guard.” said the man.
Raj thought he is drunk but the man is high. He again asked “Sir! Don’t you think at this age you should be relaxed sitting at home watching TV reading newspaper, but why did you choose this one”.
“My Salvation!!” said the man.
Raj was still scratching his head to know the thing, what made the ex-employee to come to this state. He asked “Sir! What about your son?”
“ I can’t meet him where he is..”said the man.
Raj thought his son is no more in this world so he said Sorry.
“it’s fine. This is the fact” the man said.
The man said Raj one sentence,
“Demolished! Destroyed!! End!! Broken” these are the golden words, and when you understand the thing you will be a winner.” Somehow the words impacted me a lot. It was almost night 3 AM and they were still talking, the fire was now getting to ashes.
“Son! You should go now! I am afraid you won’t get the warmth any more”.
Raj agreed and stood up to go.
As he was going he was seeing the man directing him with the torch’s light in his hand. He reached his place waved his hand to the man, the  man was not there.
Raj belonged to the era when the dream of an emerging new India began to take shape in the minds of the then new generation and new opportunities to fulfill those dreams opened up. That was the time when people aspired to become specialist doctors, bank and company executives, engineers and architects, which formed the forefront of the job market. So he persisted with the hope of being allotted a vast site by the Government agency, in spite of his being away from the city. Finally he got the site allotted, on which he hurriedly built his home.
Raj was not able to sleep in the night, even he got slept for 1 hr but that was also not consistent. In the morning he went to the same spot as he remembered he has dropped his additional key over there. On reaching the ground he found there was no sign of ashes neither it seemed like there was no fire lit. He was confused thinking where the hell he was sitting last night. Ongoing few steps he saw his beer bottle rattled on the ground over a piece of paper. With the moist weather the paper was wet and his key was there but he found something written the piece of paper.
“Dear Son!
We spoke for few moments and most of the time you were asking me , why I was guarding this house rather a demolished house. I gave you the answers but when you went you were still confused. To be honest the old house I which I constructed was my dream house and I started my family out here, and my family flourished. My only son has a wish to re innovate this house to a beautiful one as he wished the house to be our clan house, so he decided to demolish this one and construct the new house in same structure as it was there. I am not being here in this world cannot guide my son to do some things right so every night I come over here to see whether things are going good or not. As I mentioned I cannot meet my son is the reason why I come in the night and take care of the house as in the morning my son will be there.
Keep a note that life will go on, if something is messed up and you are not able to rectify don’t worry you are not alone, some one is there to help you out.  I have kept safe your keys, please take it over.

Yours,
Well Wisher”
Raj was shocked reading the note. “What the hell? Last night I was with a man who no more exists in this world.”
With the same thought in his mind he went to the construction site where he met with the man’s son. He was quite tensed. Raj asked “Any problem! Brother??”
“The construction work was supposed to start yesterday but till now the demolished work is not done, yesterday was my father’s birthday and I thought to start this year and complete the total house by next year my dad’s birthday. I wish he could have been here to guide me”
Raj had a feeling, last night he was with him. He met with him and It was his birthday, he has his dream house which was his dream his passion and after his death also he was there to look after it.

Raj learnt one thing that night, if you have a passion and dream and you live for it. After you leave this world the passion in you for your dream won't let you
go away and that is what life is.
Indeed the Night was too long for Raj to handle this fact, but this changed Raj's attitude towards his goal in his life. Raj again was searching for the person in the late nights
in the same construction area but he never encountered the person, may be he didn't but the note of paper is the thing which Raj preserved with him.

A Long and Winding Wait for Selection

This circumstances that the protagonist was in, as he aspired for a post of developer in an IT company.

'Thank you sir! Thank you madam! Thanks a lot for this opportunity to interview with you.' Raj gave a broad smile and shook hands with all the panel interviewers.
 As he was walking out of the interview room, he was fully hopeful of getting this break. He had attended an interview for the post of Developer in an IT Company.

"Phew"! Raj breathed out with relief. "I hope this works out. It has been a long time I was waiting for the Interview" he thought.
He remembered that four years back, he had started a journey to excel to achieve something in his dreams and he was almost to it.

He remembered how he used to get the stabbings the annoyance from the family not the support and all. Being in taunts at every step of the decision he was set aback.

At that point of time, he was left wondering about how he will be able to afford his expenses. He has already taken the credits from his brother and was willing to
pay them back.So he was very much urge for the job even more than the hunger he was having inside him.

A couple of days passed this way, he was not getting the call.Things were getting worse and expectation were high on him to get into a job..many things were round the
corner.
Raj proved himself as a very patient and continued more on it what he was trying to.

Slowly and surely, his hard work and patience paid off and he started getting calls from different companies got opportunity in different walkins.
He used to cry for not being selected in many places in the arms of his good friend "RAKESH SINGH" but no one was there to understand what he was feeling.
One day, after dinner, he opened his mailbox, and found that the results of his interview had been sent. It read as;
"You have short-listed and the final selection will be communicated to you soon."

Whatever it was, Raj was relieved that it was so far so good. He communicated this message to his friend Rakesh first and then to all.
But soon this joy was into sorrow as his dad didn't respond well.But nevertheless
he forgot everything and said i got a chance I need to prove myself.

It was a long and winding wait...

The next day Raj received a telephone call from his new office and was told that he had been selected and should report for duties as early as possible. "All is well that ends well" was Raj's grateful acknowledgement as he raised his hand in silent gratitude to God. Even though the package was not good, but he was happy as he will learn new things. But tears were there
in his eyes.... may be for a reason he wanted to share with someone.

He thanked God, for the chance he got which he was waiting for a long time!!

My Fortune - A RUBBISH

As said by "Gaynor Borade"...

Try the mantra of 'Admire and Praise'
Everything that's good around this day;
Empower thought and the stakes raise,
In the gamble of life's enlightening way.

Step out with confidence and shine.
You are the focus, your ability show.
Instead of muscle, be the firm spine,
For inner strength and will to grow.


Its June 2009 when Raj completed his engineering he has something in mind. Raj walked down the living room of his house where his dad was sitting

Raj entered his living room, "Good morning dad how's everything?"
"Fine" his dad replied. His dad was busy but Raj wanted to say him something but was not. Raj always tries to please him but his bad luck doesn't let his do so.

So Raj walked away from his father and got in his bike to reach his high school where he used to play in the morning. As he reached his high school he met with his two fiends "Vicky" and "Chinna".
"Hey Raj how have you been ?" Chinna asked
"Just as usual sad, lonely and unlucky...a loser!" Raj replied
"Aww common cheer up and guess what we're going to Market Mall after play...it will be fun!"
"Yaa...but you know I hate shopping."
"Oh! Ya..but we'll still have fun"
"Alright"
Vicky left early as he was having some work in Hospital as his brother was not keeping well.

When the game got over both Raj and Chinna went to a Market Mall  for shopping. Though shopping is not Raj's cup of tea but there was a something which caught his eye. Raj was very much fascinated for electronic gadgets. He went near the Electronic shop to look at the Gadget when suddenly Chinna came from his back and said, " hey Raj see there's a fortune teller over there let's go and ask him our future."
"No Chinna , it's of no use ..it's quite obvious what my future is right.. I'll stay a loser forever!"
"Just shut up Raj, c'mon let's go there."
Chinna pulled Raj over the fortune teller counter and made him sit there.
The fortune teller looked at Raj strangely and said, " Ok Raj so are you ready... And you my dear lad (He said to Chinna) please wait outside."
Raj was surprised and asked, " How do you know my name?"
"It's all over your face."
"Your lying if your so powerful then you should have known Chinna's name also."
"Some people are special."
"But not me."
"That's what your future holds for you my lad...your gonna discover the real meaning of your life and your life is going to change forever."
"The real meaning of my life is, am a loser and that is never gonna change."
"That's what you are mistaken for my lad...its"
Raj cuts his off and says " It's rubbish ... I don't believe a word of it."
Raj storms out of the room when the fortune teller stops him.. "You don't believe me now but you'll need me one day."
Raj ignores him and goes out. Chinna looks at him and asks, " What did he said."
"RUBBISH" - Raj said....
Chinna was shocked he never heard Raj saying these words but he did. Chinna was hearing each and every conversation between the two. He was trying to understand what has made Raj
to say him a looser. He was pondering over his head why the heck he (Raj) addressed himself like this?.

Days passed by Chinna and Raj didn't meet up because of some reasons, finally a Day came when Chinna and Raj were separated as Chinna was selected for Indian Army whereas
Raj was supposed to join a Software Firm. But still Chinna was in a doubt for the Raj's behaviour and was still thinking...


(To be Continued...)

pyaar ke mod par chal diye chhod kar,
kya mila hai tumhe dil mera tod kar,
mujhko pyara lage har sitam,
tumko hi chaahenge hum
Tumko hi chahenge hum tumse toh hai yeh meri jindagi,
meri vafa yeh meri aashiqui,
dhundhe tumhe yeh hamari najar,
tadpa karu mai toh shamo sahar.. gujre na yeh raat din kya kare,
yeh jindagi tere bin kya kare
kya yahi hai mohabbat sanam
tumko hi chahenge hum
Tumko hi chahenge hum main hu tumhare khayalo me gum,
vaade vafa ke bhulaaye ho tum, maine toh ki hai mohabbat magar,
tumne diye mujhko jakhme jigar,
jab tak rahe mere sine me dam,
yeh pyaar hoga kabhi bhi na kam yahi vaada hai rab ki kasam,
tumko hi chahenge hum
Tumko hi chahenge hum pyaar ke mod par chal diye chhod kar
kya mila hai tumhe dil mera tod kar
mujhko pyara lage har sitam
tumko hi chahenge hum...

I Quit...

Laash Hoon Main…
Ab Dafna Bhi Dalo…
Yahi Aakhri Rasam Bachi
Hai Use Nibha Dalo….!!
Na Honge Hum Fir,Na
Humari Yaaden…
Vo Saare Lamhe.. Saare Manzar Aaj
Meri kabar Me Mila Dalo….!!
Maar To Diya Tha Bahut
Pahle Hi Zindagi Ne Humko…
Aaj Mere Sapno,Meri Khwahishon
Ko Bhi Mere Sang Dafna
Dalo….!!
Ab Yahi Aakhri Rasam
Bachi Hai Use Nibha Dalo